Moonlight.

I've finally admitted to myself that I still want him. Wack.

Not him but him.

I've been settling because I think I knew all along that...

Fuck it.

Have You Ever...?

Have you ever fucked up really bad and didn't realize it until it was way too late.

So late that you're not even sure if you want to bring it up to apologize for it because you're hoping the person forgot or doesn't care anymore?

It's been so long that I keep thinking about it when they've probably moved on from it.

You ever been in that sitation?

Yeah, wack isn't it?

M.I.A.

I'm not sure exactly why I haven't been posting here in the last 5 years.

Lord knows there have been days when I've needed to.

I may even be updating now only because I have nothing else to do but at least it's getting done. Right?

This may be one of those short post that are kind of cryptic and random. Yeah, that'll work for now.

Mmkay, so I think I have the best friends I could ever ask for. The only problem with that is they're never around. Not by their own choice but by mine. Kinda sorta. The ones I tell the most too are either hours or miles away.

When I see them, sometimes it's hard to explain (if I even bother trying) that I don't really care if I do much of anything with them. I'm fine with just being around or with them & have them being themselves. Make sense?

I've noticed that bores them but I'm completely content. I guess that's a little selfish but.. -shrug- What can you do?

- - - - - - Randomness below - - - - - -

So my sister and I were talking the other day. She knows me a little better than I thought she did. I said one thing that was as vague as anything could be and she knew exactly what I was talking about, who I was talking about and the feelings that went through me when I said it. Great for her. Sucked for me.

Now that I'm thinking about it..all I really did was tell her one story. A couple minutes passed and then I did this whole heavy sighing thing and she makes the comment that nailed everything.

She's wack for that.

- - - - -

I think somebody gave me "the eye" the other day and I was too lost in my own thoughts to realize it. They so could have ...gotten it back.

- - - - -

I'm pretty sure I can be sent to hell for some of the thoughts I had while sitting in church the other day.

- - - - -

I am not a She-devil.

- - - - -

That probably isn't too believable after that whole church thing, huh?

- - - - -

I have dreams bigger than my pockets.

- - - - -

I miss Keef again. This time more than last time..weird.


I think that's enough for now...

You Know What Sucks?

The fact that I'm just now realizing that I have this weird attraction to people I can't have.

It's like I'm playing a game with myself. Let's see if I can get him. Then when I do it turns into, lets see how far this will go/how long this will last.

That and I'm always attracted to people way too far from me..

What's that all about?

Let Me Just Put This Out There.

I cook when I feel like it. I clean when I feel like it. I can be moody yes but humans are moody. It's not a strictly female thing. I know dudes who I'm convinced have had at least one period in their lifetime. I have my times where I can be annoying I guess. I have habits that people may not like but that's me.

I have a lot of flaws. A lot. I'm working on them. Kind of. I'm being really contradictory but whatever... I need to ramble right now. I love music. Period. Nearly everything. I can sit around for hours and o nothing but listen to music.

I've fucked up a couple relationships and just like everybody else I've blamed a couple of the other people instead of looking at myself. Shit happens.

I should apologize to Moonlight [who probably doesn't even remember that nick name] now. I mean, I should but I won't right now. There's so much I wanna say. I don't even have a plan for this post actually. I'm just typing. Whatever comes to me is what you see. Fuck it. I was looking at some old stuff a while back and putting the times together. I used to kind of put all of the communication things on Moonlight. Looking back, it was me. The timeline doesn't look good on my part at all. I'm sorry.

Probably doesn't even matter anymore but it helps me. I think.

Mkay. I'll probably be blogging more now. I have a lot to say that I've been keeping inside for whatever reason.

Random. Andre is my favorite blogger. Mmkay, I'm done.

We Can See Your Halo.

I saw this on a Michael Jackson message board. I've found some amazing things on them recently and some really interesting people from all over the world.



I was gonna wait until Saturday to share this seeing as how that's his birthday but this is beautiful. I recommend actually watching it on YouTube though because it's partially cut off here. Kinda like watching a movie in full screen instead of wide. You don't get the whole thing.

[I didn't even really like this song before]



Best. Tribute. Ever.

Forever The King | Mixtape.

So, like some people it still hasn't fully hit me that Michael Jackson died. It doesn't seem like he would ever die. Sounds weird but whatever. Anyway, my friend Keena [aka KayCee from The Lupe Fiasco Show] over at She's Not Famous put together the mixtape below. This one was kind of made to let people hear the greatness that is Michael Jackson aside from Billie Jean, Thriller & Beat It. Oh, there's some Jackson 5/Jacksons songs there too. The tracklisting is below.

BTW: There are 50 songs on it. Yes. 50. She did that because he died at 50. 46 main tracks and 4 bonus tracks. Also, the songs do not download in order so it's more of a way for you to catch up on some of what you may have missed.

click HERE to download



Tracklisting
1. Don't Know Why I Love You
2. Who's Loving You
3. I Can't Quit Your Love
4. Push Me Away
5. (You Were Made) Especially For Me^
6. The Lady In My Life
7. For All Time (Unreleased Demo)
8. Can You Feel It
9. Never Can Say Goodbye
10. This Place Hotel
11. Show You The Way To Go^
12. I Want To Be Where You Are
13. One More Chance
14. Hum Along and Dance
15. Dancing Machine
16. Music and Me^
17. Enjoy Yourself
18. We Are To Change The World ( From Disney's "Captain EO)
19. Human Nature
20. Monkey Business (Unreleased Track)
21.Someone Put Your Hand Out (Unreleased Track)
22. Destiny^
23. In The Back (Unreleased Track)
24. Rock With You (Single Version)^
25. Trouble (Unreleased Demo)
26. Off The Wall (Single Version)^
27. Butterflies
28. For All Time (Unreleased Track)^
29. Get On The Floor
30. Childhood (Theme From "Free Willy 2")*
31. Heaven Can Wait
32. Ghosts (Extended Version)
33. Tabloid Junkie
34. HIStory (Tony Moran's History Lesson)
35. Unbreakable
36. You Rock My World
37. Love Never Felt So Good (Unreleased Demo)^
38. Smile*
39. Blood On the Dance Floor
40. What You Don't Know
41. Burn This Disco Out
42. Hot Street (Unreleased Demo)
43. Is It Scary
44. If You Don't Love Me (Unreleased Demo)
45. Nite Line (Unreleased Track)^
46. Morphine

Bonus Tracks
1. We Are The World (Demo Version)
2. State of Shock (Demo w/ Freddie Mercury)
3. Jackson 5 Medley (LIVE from the Bad Tour 88')
4. Off The Wall Medley (LIVE from the HIStory Tour 97')

* MJ's personal favorites
^ She's Not Famous Recommended