Things I'm over:

#214 People talking reckless when they're drunk.
#320 People getting drunk alone just because.
#126 People getting mad and acting like females by not mentioning the thing that made them angry.

I think I'd like me.

Seriously. I was listening to Tegan and Sara's song You Wouldn't Like Me earlier..

-sings- I feeel liiike I wouldn't like me if I meeet meeeeeee

So anyway, I was thinking at first.. I probably wouldn't like me if I met myself. I'm kind of an asshole who always looks at the negative sides of things too and I question everything. Aaannnd if I really like somebody I say and do stupid shit that has me facepalming when I think back to it and realize what I've done.

But then.. then I went and read some of my old post on here. Like from around... two summers ago maybe. I'd like THAT person. She was cool.

I wonder what happened.



You ever wondered what it was about you that made people like you?

I realized people laugh at stuff I say a lot. Not like.. laughing at me but I either don't like something or I have some smart ass comment. I don't even mean to do that sometimes but I find people waiting to see what I have to say about something.

Am I really THAT girl now? I'm not sure if I should laugh at that.

You Know What Sucks?

The fact that I'm just now realizing that I have this weird attraction to people I can't have.

It's like I'm playing a game with myself. Let's see if I can get him. Then when I do it turns into, lets see how far this will go/how long this will last.

That and I'm always attracted to people way too far from me..

What's that all about?

Best Weekend Ever?

I have a Top 5 Weekends of My Life list. Okay not really but I can remember 5 that really stand out. This last weekend just bumped the last one out. I'm not sure if it's number one but it is damn sure up there.

Okay, so two of these weekends involve Lupe of course and 2 more of them involve somebody else...but anyway...

I went to see Lupe this Saturday. Although the set was shorter than I would have liked it to be it was ridiculously great.

Seriously. lol.

I don't think I've ever seen anybody perform so..hard. I've never seen him so energetic. I kind of almost expected him to pass out from exhaustion. He was that gone. That show was the epitome of someone going into another zone when they performed.

KayCee, who is cool as shit by the way, posted a review of the concert and even though other ones are more detailed I think hers gives you the jist of what happened.

Some dude pissed on the floor and ....man this is gonna sound like a bad joke but I'll say it anyway...he ended up pissing everybody off around him and they got him kicked out. Hey, I warned you.

What else...Lu's opening act had a mascot who was almost as, if not more, entertaining than they were at some points. If anybody remembers what their name was and the name of that last song they did it'd be greatly
appreciated.

What else...oh..sound in the front wasn't all that great but at least I got to see everything without having to stand on my toes.

There was some groupie-like girls behind me and I think they had a part in trying to get the crowd to yell "Loopy". Of course that shit didn't fly. Even with half the people there not knowing who Lu was.

Even though I don't drink there are blocks of time that have been lost from that night so I may skip around in the events....ok..

So Lu apparently looked right at me at one point..somebody else told me this. Of course I didn't catch that. Bishop said KayCees name in his freestyle that I could barely hear up front and she didn't catch that at all lol, uhh Lu shouted out the blog right after he looked down at her. That got screams from random people. I also heard a guy behind me say that we "must be from the blog".

He was half right, lol.

I remember losing my voice for a second after yelling the words to
Sunshine, Paris, Tokyo, Kick Push, Daydreamin, I Gotcha, Superstar,
Hi-Definition, Dumb It Down, HHSML, & Go Go Gadget Flow. I think thats all of em
lol. [That's more than 7 songs by the way].

SIDENOTE: I loved the whole 'I love you' thing before Superstar. I'm
still singing it lol. AND I don't understand how once he said 'because you are..' people didn't see Superstar coming from a mile away. People in there sounded amazed once he said 'a superstar'afterwards. Seriously?

Anyway, apparently people are fans but can't tell Bishop from Gem,
Lupe has perfect timing, I'm 'skinny & pretty', vending machines DO
NOT take $5 bills, & pimples do come up the day before important
events just like in the movies and on tv.

"He Sounds So Wack!"

Really?

You're right. And that dude you just met named Lucky sounds sooo much better.

Sidenote: His nickname is Lucky apparently because his mother had her tubes tied and still got pregnant. In my opinion, her nickname should have been changed to 'Blown'. Anyway...

I guess I understand where you're coming from. You're used to a certain type of dude and no matter how much you deny it your decisions on companions are somewhat based on what you're friends would think. I know what I like...sort of.

I'm 0-3 with those other dudes. Clearly, even with everything we did have in common things weren't right. At this point I have nothing to lose. Besides, you only live once and I'm not trying to be thinking, "What if" and "I wonder what that would have been like" the rest of my life.

Even if everything goes terribly wrong, even within the next 20 minutes, it'll make for a good story at the least.

I say all of that to say this:

I don't care how wack he sounds to you. He's kinda dope to me, lol.

As wack as that sounded....

Feelin' like Mary J today.

Okay so my "what the fuck" post was me getting some stuff off my chest kind of because I was out and I wanted to yell. I couldn't. So I just yelled over the internet.

That was the end of that.

So yeah. I have to get this out.

You know what I need right now. A summer fling.

I need somebody that has Lupe's swagger, Kanye's confidence, Pharrells...umm..youthfulness? chillness [is that a word?]...whatever it is that Pharrell has that makes me want a 30+ year old. I want somebody that's tatted too. Not no Lil Wayne "I get tattoos cuz I don't have shit else to do with my money & time" crazy lookin tattoos. I want somebody tatted in a Tyga kinda way. That lil dude is kinda cute. After all of that he has to love South Park and most of the shows on Adult Swim [especially Home Movies, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Robot Chicken, Samurai Champloo, Full Metal Alchemist, The Oblongs, & Boondocks]. He also has to understand that I can get 'weird/goofy' at times and be weird/goofy with me. He has to love nearly all types if music too. Lastly, if after a week he irritates me more than once some how none of that will matter and I won't care anymore. I need this person for at least the whole month of August

I think I'm asking for perfection. I know this will never happen. But a girl can dream.

Moving on...

I was thinking. We should all get together and have a hotel party so McLovin up there in Philly won't be so lonely...and so I'll have something to do.

Speaking of Philly. I was supposed to be going up there for the 4th but that's not happening now. I finally get a f'n holiday off when my cousin is having a block party and now I can't freaking go. Shit sucks.

Speaking of shit. I realized I've been cursing a hell of a lot lately. I only do it this much when I'm stressed. With stress comes exhaustion. With exhaustion comes me being highly irritable.

Soooo, I think I might be going to Busch Gardens on the 1st of August. I don't know yet. There's a story behind that one too but I don't want to get into it because I went and read what I've been posting about lately and I feel as if I look umm..boy crazy...I wish I could have found another way to put that.

You know what I don't like how I am right now. I normally don't give a fuck. I go and start talking to dudes and all this damn drama comes back into my life. I was listening to No Woman, No Cry earlier.

That makes all the sense in the world.

No Dude, No Drama.



....hence the title..get it?

"Niggas got me FUCKED up out here"

DISCLAIMER :: I am venting. Excuse me.

I normally don't say shit like that but this nigga....

You can not be serious.

I know you're just my benefit buddy. I know I don't even talk to you on the regular. I know you like to hold conversations when there shouldn't be any talking. I know I don't tell you certain things [what would be the reason?]

BUT

You still got me fucked up if you think I'm gonna take time out of my day and actually make some kind of effort to get you a room at my job with my $350 discount for the weekend before I'm off for 3 days with your damn girl** and your friend & his girl. For a lil ass romantic vacation and shit at my inconvenience. You have lost your damn mind.

LOL. Seriously. Seriously. I pray you were joking since you do joke like that occasionally. Yeah, you were joking. I would have to think something was seriously wrong with you if you weren't.

I know I told you I missed you. I was lying. Me answering honestly would have fucked up the moment. But maybe I shouldn't do that. Maybe that thinking you got me soft or something and I'd just jump at the chance to hook you up. I may be small and shit but I ain't no pushover...

Sorry.

Not gonna happen.

You do realize you were possibly gonna get one until you told me that right?

You better have been joking. LOL. Fuck that.

On 2^nd thought I probably should so I can like secretly laugh about how just yesterday...technically this morning...lol no.

You ever heard the song 'Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend'? Good shit.

I guess this is the part where people are shocked at me. One of the things that's gonna be in the list of the things you don't know about me is that I'm a spiteful person, I hold grudges [depending on the situation], I'm rude and umm...you already know I'm sarcastic and impulsive. I'll probably be explaining this post later but what can I say...I do me. I just know how to keep it to myself. There are certain things [not limited to this stuff] nobody will know about me.

Ever.


NOTE: I would like to take this time out to apologize to the Bestest and Bri. I probably just embarrassed you the most lol. I love yall tho, lol.

** [I didn't know about her until today & no it probably wouldn't have changed anything but I don't like people keeping stuff from me at least be honest. Right?]


_{You're still my benefit buddy though...}

I have a crush. I am ashamed.

I am too damn old to have a crush on somebody. TOO OLD.

You know what the bad part is? That would make 4 options now instead of 3. I have a problem. I need help.

The only thing is this one is completely different. I don't know why I like him. All I know is whenever I see him or talk to him I can't stop smiling. I find my self thinking while I'm talking to him, 'what the hell are you smiling for?', 'you look stupid as hell. stop it', yet...I can't stop smiling. I can't even look in his eyes for long periods of time.

He's not even as cute as 2 of the 3. I like him though. A little too much. He wears glasses and I think he looks slightly cuter with them then without. He is cute though. Maybe not to everybody but to me and that's all that matters. Right?

He's taller than me..then again everybody is taller than me, lol.

He's a little weird sometimes but in a good way.

Then again I never admit it but I might be a little weird too.

He makes me laugh which is good but I think I laugh at everything he says right now. I know it's not going to go anywhere because I like 'X' and I'm trying to only like him because I have a history of being easily distracted. Just distracted that's all. I wanna kinda be like...It's kinda hard to stay ...what do you call it? Not faithful but I mean if I want to talk to you I'm only talking to you at the moment.

I find myself looking for him now. I don't like that.

I don't even know if he has a girl already. & as much as I hate to admit it..I really don't care at this point.

X is really gonna have to stop canceling because my attention span for males these days is extra short. Unless you can make me fall in love with you lol. That is extremely hard.

Then again we aren't together..

And because I know I confused somebody and I can feel this getting long I'll sum it up with this...

"You see, what had happened to the player over here, the truth over there took me off of my square...But didn't you know that little by little it was getting you slow? Weren't you aware? And you say you from where? Pimp card revoked. You're no longer a player" --Lupe Fiasco via Didn't You Know by The Rayne