Paranoid Part II: The Tomboy Phase

The Tomboy Phase

Wearing jeans and dirty sneakers exclusively. Not wanting to get my hair done. Riding bikes through the woods. Go-karts. Racing. Listening in on the male conversations. Playing my brother in video games AND beating him. I miss that stuff sometimes. That was me though pretty much all through elementary school to maybe part of middle school. In some weird, backwards way that was me trying to avoid extra attention from males because naturally I didn’t trust them. This is how I ended up more comfortable with having males for friends. Makes no sense but at the same time makes complete sense.

I kind of still don’t actually fully trust most of the females I know. That's mostly because I know most of them will tell you one thing knowing the whole time they're planning on doing something else. I don’t trust any of them to really keep anything to themselves. Yeah, sometimes I may not be able to find out they told something but I’m almost positive they told at least one person. Even in elementary school I think I had one female best friend sometime between kindergarten and 3rd grade. LOL. I honestly don’t even remember. All I remember is her name was Ashley. She found me on facebook a while back...but I digress. Back in elementary school I never really wanted to be friends with the girls. I mean they were cool but I wasn’t as self conscious around males as I was around females. People don’t believe me when I say that but it’s true. Being friends with the prissy girls only meant trying to be cute, being way too extra and begging for attention and trying to impress the dudes that I didn’t want looking at me that way. I mean yeah I started to like a couple of them but I never actually wanted any of them. Not until middle school at least.

Middle school some new people were in the neighborhood and I’ve never admitted it but yeah I kind of had a crush on one of them. I’m not even sure why anymore because he wasn’t really attractive. I mean he was cool. He was funny. He was around. That’s about it. Now that I’m thinking about it though he wanted to be my first. I can’t help but laugh at that now. I actually considered it once and for all the wrong reasons. I’m glad I make good decisions for the most part lol. Anyway, people thought I was jealous when he kind of chilled on me and started talking to a much less attractive girl that had also moved into the neighborhood. I wasn’t jealous in the least. That bitch was ugly and still is. He also showed interest in one of my friends back then. I was a girl. I wasn’t stupid. I seriously think that he started liking them once he found out how much of a tomboy I actually was. He showed interest when I was being a little girly and once he found out that wasn’t me he went for the prissy ones who couldn’t do shit. I was cool with that. I’m not going to change how I am to conform for anybody else’s satisfaction. No sir. I think that’s kind of why my relationships (if that’s what you want to call them) go the way they do.

Coming Tomorrow… Part 3 | The "Relationships"