I Love Stuff Like This

x Cleopatra's Needle [obelisk in New York]

There are three Cleopatra's Needles: in London, Paris and New York City. Each obelisk is made of red granite, stands about 68 feet high, weighs about 180 tons and is inscribed with hieroglyphs. Although the needles are genuine Ancient Egyptian obelisks, they are somewhat misnamed as they have no inscriptions associated with queen Cleopatra VII of Egypt. They were originally erected in the Egyptian city of Heliopolis on the orders of Thutmose III, around 1450 B.C.E. The quarry from which the red granite was obtained was near Aswan. The inscriptions were added about 200 years later by Ramses II to commemorate his military victories. The obelisks were later moved to Alexandria and set up in the Caesarium — a temple built by Cleopatra (hence the name Cleopatra's Needle) in honor of Mark Antony — by the Romans, during the reign of Augustus Caesar, but were later toppled. The knocking down of the obelisks allowed them to be buried in sand, which helped preserve them from local weathering.

It's there..wasting away. If you want to..you can click that link above the picture.

Prime Example.

This is exactly why I shouldn't be left alone with my thoughts. I look way WAY too into things. B, who is like my new bestfriend**, even told me that. He sets me up too so I'm not sure if I should really listen to anything he says anymore lol.

But anyway, I say all that to say this. Right now I'm feeling like I should be on some Trey Songz last time shit. Okay, maybe that's the wrong example but I feel like I wanna revert a little. It's kinda hard to fight this when it comes up.

Actually, it's really hard. Well..with that being said I just decided I'm gonna write my next part of Paraniod. Maybe next two parts. I'm in that kind of mood now. Yes at 3:52 in the morning.


Note: Never take a nap at 8PM.

**Not to replace Bestest.

Gin & Titonic.

I have a friend who love Gin & Tonics. Naturally, I immediately thought of him when I saw this. Then I laughed. I mean it is a little funny. Just a little bit though.



It's still not on sale yet. I'm not even sure if it will be. I did my part by telling you though lol.You can check up on it here.

via Coolest Gadgets

House Warming Gifts

Now, normally you wouldn 't get house warming gifts until a person is actually moving in to a new place BUT that's not how I roll.

What I do is make a list of everything I want ahead of time and have people "randomly" buy them for me. See, I figure that way when I actually move into a place and have a part nobody will have to buy anything and you can party in a fully furnished place. Great idea right? I know. With that being said...here are 2 things I want for my kitchen. Two of many.

The Ex Knife Holder
69.99 @ ThinkGeek.com


Ice Invaders Ice Cube Tray
7.49 @ ThinkGeek.com

Paranoid Part II: The Tomboy Phase

The Tomboy Phase

Wearing jeans and dirty sneakers exclusively. Not wanting to get my hair done. Riding bikes through the woods. Go-karts. Racing. Listening in on the male conversations. Playing my brother in video games AND beating him. I miss that stuff sometimes. That was me though pretty much all through elementary school to maybe part of middle school. In some weird, backwards way that was me trying to avoid extra attention from males because naturally I didn’t trust them. This is how I ended up more comfortable with having males for friends. Makes no sense but at the same time makes complete sense.

I kind of still don’t actually fully trust most of the females I know. That's mostly because I know most of them will tell you one thing knowing the whole time they're planning on doing something else. I don’t trust any of them to really keep anything to themselves. Yeah, sometimes I may not be able to find out they told something but I’m almost positive they told at least one person. Even in elementary school I think I had one female best friend sometime between kindergarten and 3rd grade. LOL. I honestly don’t even remember. All I remember is her name was Ashley. She found me on facebook a while back...but I digress. Back in elementary school I never really wanted to be friends with the girls. I mean they were cool but I wasn’t as self conscious around males as I was around females. People don’t believe me when I say that but it’s true. Being friends with the prissy girls only meant trying to be cute, being way too extra and begging for attention and trying to impress the dudes that I didn’t want looking at me that way. I mean yeah I started to like a couple of them but I never actually wanted any of them. Not until middle school at least.

Middle school some new people were in the neighborhood and I’ve never admitted it but yeah I kind of had a crush on one of them. I’m not even sure why anymore because he wasn’t really attractive. I mean he was cool. He was funny. He was around. That’s about it. Now that I’m thinking about it though he wanted to be my first. I can’t help but laugh at that now. I actually considered it once and for all the wrong reasons. I’m glad I make good decisions for the most part lol. Anyway, people thought I was jealous when he kind of chilled on me and started talking to a much less attractive girl that had also moved into the neighborhood. I wasn’t jealous in the least. That bitch was ugly and still is. He also showed interest in one of my friends back then. I was a girl. I wasn’t stupid. I seriously think that he started liking them once he found out how much of a tomboy I actually was. He showed interest when I was being a little girly and once he found out that wasn’t me he went for the prissy ones who couldn’t do shit. I was cool with that. I’m not going to change how I am to conform for anybody else’s satisfaction. No sir. I think that’s kind of why my relationships (if that’s what you want to call them) go the way they do.

Coming Tomorrow… Part 3 | The "Relationships"

Paranoid.

I've been working on this big long drawn out "novel" as B likes to call it. It's not really a novel though. More like me just getting a few things off of my chest that I normally wouldn't say. A little of it might be a little harsh. A little of it may be a little more than some people were expecting.

My movitation for this? Honestly, watching Brave New Voices. I've always loved spoken word. Always. I just suck at writing in iambic pentameter and all that. I'm much better at holding everything in for years and then one day going "Fuck it and fuck you. This is how I feel" No seriously, I'm doing this mostly because I've noticed I'm falling back into my stressed out, pissed all the time, highly irratble self. That shit is not cool. I'm not really happy. I mean I'm cool but having every little thing piss you off? Not cool.

See there's a whole lot of stuff I keep in and I know that's not healthy it's just easy. The way I see it..if I can get this stuff out then maybe it'll help. Maybe. I’m not absolutely positive it will work but as cliché as this is going to sound life really is short and it’s not really worth it if there are no risks involved.

With that being said, I must warn a few of you that may be reading this: there will be sections dedicated to a couple people I’m currently involved with or have been involved with in the past that will be of no interest to you. Names will be mentioned (all except one). Nobody knows who you people are so don't trip. I’ll warn you about that ahead of time as well.

There are 3 sections and the last part has about 6 sub-sections (don't get scared away now). They come one at a time and each one is just like a little history with a specific person and then the letter directly to that person.

So umm...yeah..

Paranoid.

My best friend say I’m bottled up, I need a fucking therapist But I can’t think of nobody I’d wanna to share this with. Why should I open up on somebody else’s carelessness? There goes the top niggas so here it is…

The "Incident”
I was a reserved kid when I was younger. Very reserved. I’m not sure what caused it originally but I know it lasted way longer than it should have. I mean I had friends and all that nonsense but I wasn’t as voicstrous as I am now about my opinions on things. I think I remember trying to break out of it at one point and then the incident happened.

The incident.

I can’t even really call it an incident because incidents (let me say that one more time. Incident. Okay) only happen once. This went on over a period of time. Now, before I say this let me say that it’ll be a big step for me because only 3 people know about this. Two of them were involved. One of them was me. Okay. A long time ago my mom used to send my sister and me next door so that her friend’s mother could watch us. Now this lady never really watched us. I remember the characters of As The World Turns and Oprah watching us more than she actually did. I actually remember her sleeping a lot too.

Word of advice. Never let anybody else’s old ass mom watch your kids. They never
really care as much as somebody that has an actual connection to you. No matter how nice they seem. So anyway two teenagers also lived in the house. The daughter of my mom’s friend (one who eventually ended up watching us later) and her brother. While the old lady was “watching” me I would sometimes get passed off or left with the brother. This is where the incident comes in. I’m not going to get into too many details but I will say that there was …how do I want to say this… basically he molested me and at the time I didn’t really know better. I didn’t know what was wrong or right about the situation really and I didn’t find out until much later. This made me hate him. I still hate him to this day. I never forgot. I don’t think I ever will. I actually cared about his sister. I can now say that I think I may have loved his sister for all she did for me. I looked up to her. I think I wanted to be like her for a little while. She actually caught her brother in the act once and from what remember she ousted him in front of his mother and my mother and they brushed it off. I think they actually didn’t believe her or something like that. Maybe she didn’t see what she think she saw. Maybe she was just angry at him. I mean I never said anything so it didn’t happen right? That’s bullshit. I’m actually getting angrier the more I think about it. I’m getting off track…

Anyway, she died in a car accident a while back. Years later I found out that he was in a really bad car accident and could have died. I remember immediately thinking, “That’s what he gets. …Fuck. He didn’t die?” I thought that because it meant the possibility of running into him was still there and I honestly don’t know how I’d react if I ever saw him again. I wouldn’t be able to be held accountable for my actions. I never understood how people who had traumatic things happen to them could be like, “Oh. I forgive him because he knew not what he did” or “I can’t blame him. I forgive him.” I say FUCK that forgiveness shit. I’m fucked up for possibly the rest of my life and you get to be at peace for yours because I forgave you? FUCK that shit. FUCK your life.

This wasn’t the only thing that I’ve held in forever that I think has slowly fucked up my way of thinking but I think maybe it had a hell of a lot to do with it. Maybe that’s why I get so angry so quickly. Maybe that’s why my sexuality is the way it is. I don’t know. I’m not sure. I can’t say.

You know why I think I don’t tell anybody I get close to this? I don’t want to scare dudes away with this information because a lot of the time girls who’ve had stuff like this happen to them are always crazy...or potentially crazy. I don’t want people sympathizing with me or feeling like they have to talk different around me or treat me any differently. My problems didn’t come out as crazy. Mine came out as anger. Pent up anger. Maybe that’s why I snap so quickly. Maybe that’s why I curse so much. Maybe. Maybe in some backwards way that made me want to be a boy, or at least act like one, for a good part of my childhood.

Coming Tomorrow… Part 2 | The Tomboy Phase