I think I'd like me.

Seriously. I was listening to Tegan and Sara's song You Wouldn't Like Me earlier..

-sings- I feeel liiike I wouldn't like me if I meeet meeeeeee

So anyway, I was thinking at first.. I probably wouldn't like me if I met myself. I'm kind of an asshole who always looks at the negative sides of things too and I question everything. Aaannnd if I really like somebody I say and do stupid shit that has me facepalming when I think back to it and realize what I've done.

But then.. then I went and read some of my old post on here. Like from around... two summers ago maybe. I'd like THAT person. She was cool.

I wonder what happened.



You ever wondered what it was about you that made people like you?

I realized people laugh at stuff I say a lot. Not like.. laughing at me but I either don't like something or I have some smart ass comment. I don't even mean to do that sometimes but I find people waiting to see what I have to say about something.

Am I really THAT girl now? I'm not sure if I should laugh at that.

Everybody Plays The Fool

Everybody has that one person who they'd do anything for.

Somebody that even if they say some fucked up shit to you you'd be like "he/she was just joking". Somebody that..even if both of you got with somebody else you'd be secretly waiting for them to break up with the other person. Somebody who's jokes always seem way funnier than everybody elses somehow. Somebody you'd give anything to.

Do anything for.

I have that. He doesn't have me though. Shame.

I don't even think he knows who he is anymore.



And when the music starts to play,
And your ability to reason is swept away,
Oh, heaven on earth is all you see;
You're out of touch with reality;

No Regrets?

I said I was going to go to sleep an hour ago but now I'm here writing this.

I was thinking about the whole no regrets thing.

I think I may have one...wait two. I have two regrets already.

This is going to sound weird but one of them I can still avoid if I stop being a bitch about it and the other is already out of my hands. Bitch in this case means punk, btw.

Both of them involve the same people.

I need to get it together.

- - - -
Oh, and I know you read this you dick. Stop randomly calling me asking what's going on and just ask me about the post nosy ass.

Road Trips.

I'm easily bored & restless.

I always want to get away somewhere. Anywhere sometimes.

The idea of going to the same three or four places people always go doesn't interest me. What are those places? Name three places off the top of your head you always hear about. Yes. Those three.

I want to go to Japan, London, France, China,... Singapore!...everywhere. At least one time in my life.

Those are the big trips though. Sometimes I up and decide that if I have the money either next week or the week after I might want to go to New York or Chicago or something....back to Los Angeles. Hell any part of California is fine with me. It's completely different than everything I'm used to here and that's why I like it so much.

The point of all this is why does everybody act like they're already old and locked down. Nobody is spontaneous anymore. I want to up and go out of town if I have a day off and wait until the last minute to come back. I don't mind being tired as hell at work because that doesn't last all day and the memories of what happened the night before is all I'll be thinking about. Somebody I know told me that they needed six months sometimes for trips. SIX MONTHS! Maybe I do dream to much and maybe I am crazy..but I told her that was like having a life plan to take a trip. I'm not planning on freaking moving somewhere for 2 months. Geez, lol.

I don't want the majority of my experiences to be shit that happened at work. I don't want to miss out on experiences all together because I was at work.

Jobs/careers are supposed to enhance my life not be my life.

I'm out of going to the same 3 clubs that play the same seven songs. I'd rather go to a live show with actual instruments and talented people. You know.. where they play music I know I like.

Or..OR! Or I could go to one where I won't have to see bitches all dressed in variations of the same outfit. Everybody thinks they're so unique these days. -rolls eyes-

Anyway.. NO REGRETS!

5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 ..11, 12, 13

So everybody keeps talking about how at 5:06 and 7 seconds it'll be 5:06 and 7 seconds it'll be 05:06:07 08/09/10 and how it won't happen again for a while.

Why does this matter though? Am I missing something?

I mean.. this happens all the time just with different number. It's inevitable. They're numbers.

I remember the big deal people made about 01/01/01 ..and 03/04/05 ...

You get the point.

I guess its cool for those first 3 seconds when you realize it. I guess I just don't need 50 people to tell me about it like something spectacular was going to happen.

Wouldn't it be some bullshit if it did though?

...

I love how music can relate to anybody and everybody's situation. No matter what it is.

No matter what you have gone through or are going through at the moment..somebody wrote a song about it.

I don't know what I'd do with myself without it.

- - - -

On another note... The speakers on my new computer suck ass. I hear that little vibrating thing in the background and everything. Shit is wack.

I'm Not Unfaithful But...

Build a wall of books
Between us in our bed
Repeat repeat the words
That i know we both have said

Relax into the need
We get so comfortable
Remember when i was
So strange and likable

I just want back in your head
I just want back in your head
I'm not unfaithful but i'll stray

When i get a little scared
When i get a little scared
When i get a little

When i jerk away
From holding hands with you
I know these habits hurt
Important parts of you

Remember when i was
Sweet and unexplainable
Nothing like this person
Unlovable

I just want back in your head
I just want back in your head
I'm not unfaithful but i'll stray

When i get a little scared
When i get a little scared
When i get a little scared
When i get a little

Run run run run
Run run run run

I just want back in your head
I just want back in your head
I'm not unfaithful but i'll stray

I'm not unfaithful but i'll stray
I'm not unfaithful but i'll stray
I'm not unfaithful but i'll stray




I love them.

I'm Workin'..I think.

I have a problem with getting things done.

Not really but really.

I try to do like 15 different things. If I had maybe an extra hour everything would be done.

Anyway, I have a million things to do this week that have to be done this week.

First is get rid of that old ass banner thing up there^^. The blog name isn't even the same and hasn't been since forever. -shakes head in shame-

Finish the layout for the new site I'm working on. I'm not sure if it's gonna me a music site or just a site for me yet.

Dye my hair. I'm kinda nervous about this though. I'm doing something different and if it doesn't come out right I'm gonna be piiiissseeed. You have to wait 2 weeks until it can be done again which means I'll look crazy at work and for the Paramore/Tegan and Sara concert. Wack.

Get my second..and maybe third tattoo. I was gonna get a piercing but punked out of that. It'll hurt longer and I may have to take it out for work. I'm not paying and then have to take it right out.

Buy a new bed. Just because I want one before I redo my room. I have this whole idea to change one corner of it into a space just for my records and the turntable & all that. Then another part for my dvds, cds and video games. Should be dope if it's ever done.

Uhh.

Write. I've been putting that off forever.

AND

I'm supposed to be practicing the bass.

I'm so behind.

I guess I just wasted more time typing this instead of doing them, huh?

"Don't Go For Solange When You Could Get Beyonce"

Andre said that.

I like Solange a little better but I got the point.

I need to remember that.

Ya Mayme Wan Sum Mo Babe.

This post was intended to make people very uncomfortable and give out too much information on my personal situations right now.

I decided I'd save that for later.

Maybe tomorrow. [I always hear the J5 song play in my head when I say that].

Instead. I'll leave this. It's mostly for me though.



Get dooowwnn, get doooowwwnnn, get ddooooooooowwwnnnn.

BTW, the title means more than just part of the song. Very relevant. Yep.

Eff Dreaming.

Dreams suck.

You know why? Because of shit like what happened to me the other day.

It was the best dream I've had in a long time. It involved something I've been thinking about for years finally happening. THEN I woke up. I woke up happy as hell and in a great mood. That was until I realized that shit didn't really happen. Then I was kind of hurt. Like my mind gave me something I wanted then snatched it back by waking me up too early and for no reason. I just randomly woke up. Like "fuck your dream" No alarms, no people knocking, no loud talking.. just woke up. AND it was two hours too early.

Dreams are either good dreams that hurt your feeling by not being real or they're nightmares which are almost equally as wack.


...I want to have it again though. That'd be great.

Revelation

So I tend to call all of my friends assholes. A lot of them are. Mostly the males though. I also realized that I've seen starting a lot of my sentences lately with "So..."

Anyway, I'm about 75-80% sure that the asshole is me now. They all seem to get along extremely well with each other.

No threats of violence or anything.

But what good is a friend if you can't smack them one day and tell them you love them the next?

-Just pretend there's a "clever" Thriller reference here-

So, I was gonna save this whole idea and do it on his birthday because it kind of bothers me when people celebrate and do things on the day someone died. Not that much but enough. The post is kind of rushed through because it took me so long trying to decide what to put here and what to leave out. Then I had to figure out if I was gonna do one huge download or three separate ones. I decided on three. This is the first of those.

[Just to warn you...this is kinda rushed and BS'd so excuse me for a while until I can come back and fix it up.]

Anyway, I'm not gonna do a whole long story before the download.

I'll tell you about some of the song on this though because they all kinda have a story or things people would like/need to know.

The track listing goes like this.

1. Bumper Snippet
2. Serious Effect ft. LL Cool J
3. Work That Body
4. She Got It
5. Lisa, It's Your Birthday
6. Monkey Business
7. If You Don't Love Me
8. We Are Here To Change The World
9. Streetwalker
10. Fly Away
11. Someone In The Dark
12. Can't Get Outta The Rain
13. One Day I'll Marry You
14. Ain't No Sunshine [Unreleased Version]
15. I'll Be There [Unreleased Version]
16. Big Boy
17. Xscape
18. We've Had Enough [Extended Version]

So.. about some of the songs.

Numbers 2-7 were recorded during Michael's Dangerous era. That could be anywhere from the 87-91 though because he started recording for the Dangerous album the second Bad was finished.


xx. Serious Effect features LL Cool J and that could have easily been on the album.


xx. Lisa, It's Your Birthday is his demo version of the song Bart sings for Lisa on the episode of The Simpsons called Stark Raving Dad he appeared on. For legal reasons and all that other good stuff he could be on it but he couldn't sing on it and was credited as John Jay Smith.



According to the Simpsons wikia he's the one who came up with the idea to have Bart tell everyone that Michael Jackson was coming to his house and he requested that a joke about Prince be changed to one about Elvis.

xx. We Are Here To Change The World is from Captain EO, the 3D Disney film [that only showed at the theme parks] he starred in back in '86. It was directed by Francis Ford Coppola and executive produced by George Lucas. Oh and Angelica Houston and the midget from Bad Santa were in it. -shrug-.


xx. Streetwalker was supposed to be on Bad. Another Part Of Me [also in Captain EO but a different version] was chosen instead because his manager like it more. There's more to that story but I'm being lazy right now and don't feel like explaining it. Quincy Jones talks about it on the special edition of Bad.

Fly Away was recorded for Bad also. His eldest sister Rebbie also recorded it and released it with Michael singing back up.

Someone In The Dark was released on the E.T. Storybook album that was pulled pretty much because it violated every part of the contract that was made in order for him to do it. lol. That makes it the rarest and most expensive MJ record ever. I've seen people selling ones in terrible condition for $700. Not I.


Can't Get Outta The Rain was only released on the B-side of the Billie Jean single. It's essentially a alternate version of You Can't Win.


Lemme see uuuhhhh....

Big Boy is the first song MJ/J5 ever had on the radio. In the Jacksons movie they had it as that song Kansas City..that was wrong but so was a lot of stuff about that movie.

Like Michael recording Human Nature in 83 when Thriller came out in 82 and Michael having that pet rat in Gary and them playing Ben when that was the name of the movie about a rat he sung for after they'd been with Motown for a few years

...but why would details be important in a story about people's lives?

Download HERE.
[Ignore the terrible art.]

- -- - --

Oh, so I also have enough demos and unreleased songs from Thriller for another one of these...I guess that's next.

Moonlight.

I've finally admitted to myself that I still want him. Wack.

Not him but him.

I've been settling because I think I knew all along that...

Fuck it.

Have You Ever...?

Have you ever fucked up really bad and didn't realize it until it was way too late.

So late that you're not even sure if you want to bring it up to apologize for it because you're hoping the person forgot or doesn't care anymore?

It's been so long that I keep thinking about it when they've probably moved on from it.

You ever been in that sitation?

Yeah, wack isn't it?

M.I.A.

I'm not sure exactly why I haven't been posting here in the last 5 years.

Lord knows there have been days when I've needed to.

I may even be updating now only because I have nothing else to do but at least it's getting done. Right?

This may be one of those short post that are kind of cryptic and random. Yeah, that'll work for now.

Mmkay, so I think I have the best friends I could ever ask for. The only problem with that is they're never around. Not by their own choice but by mine. Kinda sorta. The ones I tell the most too are either hours or miles away.

When I see them, sometimes it's hard to explain (if I even bother trying) that I don't really care if I do much of anything with them. I'm fine with just being around or with them & have them being themselves. Make sense?

I've noticed that bores them but I'm completely content. I guess that's a little selfish but.. -shrug- What can you do?

- - - - - - Randomness below - - - - - -

So my sister and I were talking the other day. She knows me a little better than I thought she did. I said one thing that was as vague as anything could be and she knew exactly what I was talking about, who I was talking about and the feelings that went through me when I said it. Great for her. Sucked for me.

Now that I'm thinking about it..all I really did was tell her one story. A couple minutes passed and then I did this whole heavy sighing thing and she makes the comment that nailed everything.

She's wack for that.

- - - - -

I think somebody gave me "the eye" the other day and I was too lost in my own thoughts to realize it. They so could have ...gotten it back.

- - - - -

I'm pretty sure I can be sent to hell for some of the thoughts I had while sitting in church the other day.

- - - - -

I am not a She-devil.

- - - - -

That probably isn't too believable after that whole church thing, huh?

- - - - -

I have dreams bigger than my pockets.

- - - - -

I miss Keef again. This time more than last time..weird.


I think that's enough for now...