You Know What Sucks?

The fact that I'm just now realizing that I have this weird attraction to people I can't have.

It's like I'm playing a game with myself. Let's see if I can get him. Then when I do it turns into, lets see how far this will go/how long this will last.

That and I'm always attracted to people way too far from me..

What's that all about?

Seven Whole Days.

The story of my life. Well, of my love life.

Seven Whole Days - Toni Braxton

_{I post everything for a reason. I just don't make the reasons clear at first. I would explain but I don't feel like it right now. *shrugs* Oh well.}

"I Asked You First Though"

Since when has it been acceptable to answer a question with a question?

Who taught you that? If somebody says, "Hi, how are you?" you can't reply with "How are you?"

You're supposed to answer first.

Next..to clear up the censorship post...

The "stuff" I was talking about involves people who read the blog. It's not that I'm scared of what they may say...it's more of me not wanting them to know that "stuff".

At least not right now

Decisions, Decisions....

N.E.R.D. & Common ;; October 2nd in Philly

The Roots, Gym Class Heroes, & Estelle ;; October 4th in Norfolk

Lupe;; October 11th in Baltimore.

There's also Shwayze & Tyga October 6th in Norfolk I was thinking about but I don't know.

What am I going to do?!

I Have A New Manager.

I hate her.

She's a white lady named Donita or something like that. She is there to replace the old manager we hated and apparently are responsible (partly) for getting fired. We went without one for a while and the two assistant managers took over. That was good while it lasted.

Now, I just met her yesterday. Everybody else met her while I was gone on my much needed mini-vacation from that place.

So, I come in to open and the store looks a mess. Like they hadn't straightened anything since I was there. The girl who was supposed to close called out and they put somebody in there from another store who clearly did nothing all day. So I'm cleaning up and folding everything that was destroyed in the store when the new manager comes in.

...By the way the store still looks a mess even when it's clean now because she changed everything around and none of it makes any sense. She said "we need to be telling a story with our store". That should tell you enough...

Anyway, while I'm folding she's looking around the store and is like 'when you get a chance go fix those slippers over there' and I proceed to tell her I will but right now I'm fixing all this other stuff that was messed up but she cuts me off and is like 'yeah, you probably have a lot to do'. She keeps talking but I'm not listening anymore. THEN she asks 'What's all this? Returns?' referring to what my attention was on the whole time she was talking.

.....I told her, 'No, it's all the stuff that wasn't folded' she makes this retarded face and says some other shit I can't remember then says she'll be back. She didn't. Thank God.

......I need a new job.

"They So Used To Not Havin' Nothin. Real"

"...that they don't know how to act, they don't know how to feel."

That line and that line only has been replaying in my head over and over for the last two days. It's not like the whole song is stuck in my head because it's not. I can be singing something else and that line randomly pops back into my head like a recurring dream type of thing.

I wonder why.

Seriously.

Once Again...

I can't go to L.A. next Thursday.

I'm only gonna say it was due to scheduling conflicts. That shit really sucks because I wanna see Bestest. I'll make it over there someday. Someday.

Anyway, my retarded ass manager messed my schedule up again anyway and didn't give me all my days off. Looks like I'll be calling out that Saturday.

Since I won't be traveling across the country I guess I can make another trip up north to see my friend who is an Irish R&B singer.

I don't wanna waste my days off.

"Niggas got me FUCKED up out here"

DISCLAIMER :: I am venting. Excuse me.

I normally don't say shit like that but this nigga....

You can not be serious.

I know you're just my benefit buddy. I know I don't even talk to you on the regular. I know you like to hold conversations when there shouldn't be any talking. I know I don't tell you certain things [what would be the reason?]

BUT

You still got me fucked up if you think I'm gonna take time out of my day and actually make some kind of effort to get you a room at my job with my $350 discount for the weekend before I'm off for 3 days with your damn girl** and your friend & his girl. For a lil ass romantic vacation and shit at my inconvenience. You have lost your damn mind.

LOL. Seriously. Seriously. I pray you were joking since you do joke like that occasionally. Yeah, you were joking. I would have to think something was seriously wrong with you if you weren't.

I know I told you I missed you. I was lying. Me answering honestly would have fucked up the moment. But maybe I shouldn't do that. Maybe that thinking you got me soft or something and I'd just jump at the chance to hook you up. I may be small and shit but I ain't no pushover...

Sorry.

Not gonna happen.

You do realize you were possibly gonna get one until you told me that right?

You better have been joking. LOL. Fuck that.

On 2^nd thought I probably should so I can like secretly laugh about how just yesterday...technically this morning...lol no.

You ever heard the song 'Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend'? Good shit.

I guess this is the part where people are shocked at me. One of the things that's gonna be in the list of the things you don't know about me is that I'm a spiteful person, I hold grudges [depending on the situation], I'm rude and umm...you already know I'm sarcastic and impulsive. I'll probably be explaining this post later but what can I say...I do me. I just know how to keep it to myself. There are certain things [not limited to this stuff] nobody will know about me.

Ever.


NOTE: I would like to take this time out to apologize to the Bestest and Bri. I probably just embarrassed you the most lol. I love yall tho, lol.

** [I didn't know about her until today & no it probably wouldn't have changed anything but I don't like people keeping stuff from me at least be honest. Right?]


_{You're still my benefit buddy though...}

One Down. Three to go.

It's all starting to come crashing down. Maybe I'm exaggerating but...this is what has happened within the last couple hours:

1. The giddy feeling I got when I saw my crush went away. I was happy to see him cuz I had been secretly looking for him all day. I still smiled but the feeling I liked so much wasnt there.

2. I got a text from X yesterday after we had been talking saying, "If somebody text you dont answer". Right after that I get a text from some random # saying, "Are you aware that X has a girlfriend cuz i dont appreciate you disrespecting me". So if he hadnt texted me before this situation could have went horribly wrong. I asked him about it though [he didnt know I actually got the text until i finally told him and forwarded it to him]. He said it was his ex and went through this whole 'Im gonna kill her' thing. Whatever. He said he thought she was bullshittin about taking my number from his phone and that he was trying to be friends with her since they had been together so long and that he didnt wanna get back with her because it ended bad but she was trying to get back with him and blah blah. So basically that led to a long ass might of texting back and forth and its been established that he doesnt want a girlfriend and he's just chillin right now. Then it got to how we should probably just be friends since I said basically that it was cool but at the same time I dont like feeling like I'm wasting my time with something thats not going anywhere. I understand the wanting to be friends thing partially but not fully because of my situation with one of my ex's but it still blows me. He said it should be easy because we have so much in common which is true but still. With the way I am, its easier to just cut you off completely then to just gradually become friends. So basically thats one down and three to go.

Well maybe more like 2^1/2 to go.

There is still bum ass club dude that is finally starting to slowly fade away. All I have left to lose now is my benefit friend and the crush. I know its gonna happen now its just a matter of when.

Damn you Cupid.