I've been slippin'..

This is the longest I went without posting in a long while...

Part of that is because I got a new phone recently & because I haven't felt like getting on the computer when I get off work. I just go the new Samsung Instinct. That should mean I update more right? Well for some reason blogger doesn't work too well. Ain't that some bull...

So I guess I should update now huh.

Well this is actually my second Instinct phone the first one was stolen before I even got it but that's a long story I don't feel like getting into because it pisses me off every single time.

I got a PS3 and the special edition GTA 4 for $250 the other day [I refused to buy it previously]. The only problem is Niko doesn't fuckin run for longer than 3 damn seconds. I bought Grand Turismo 5 Prologue though so that's been keeping me busy.

I found out that I'm better at giving advice than taking it.

I X he didn't know what he wanted when I don't have a clue what I want my damn self. I'm chillin' right now BUT at the same time..it is 'nice to have somebody'. But do I want somebody to actually be with for a while or do I just want somebody to go out with and somebody who's house I can pop up over without an explanation. & somebody I can call and talk to for no reason with out having to worry bout some pressed ass female getting my # and grilling me...[yeah remind me to explain that one too]. Dunno.

I like him but I don't know if I like him because we have so much in common and I have fun with him or if it's the other side of me that tends to want things I feel like I can't or shouldn't have.


My mean ass manager supposedly got fired and an ex-coworker..excuse me an ex co-star of mine called her cell phone and left a voicemail asking how it felt to be fired. I thought that was hilarious. We're not even sure if that's what it was but supposedly she was leaving on a family emergency, then it went to she was on vacation, then she was suspended and now she's pursuing other things BUT was walked out by Safety Services/Security. Sure. They don't clear out your office while you're on vacation.

OH! I found out the benefit buddy actually was joking about the girlfriend thing and he actually needed it for the weekend after. Joke or no joke he got no room. He wouldn't have gotten it this weekend this weekend anyway because we were at 100% both days.

Brandi I uhh..if you were serious I would love to get a F&L back, lol. & hi KayCee, lol.

The crush is outta there. I wanna go see bestest soon. & I want to go to Busch Gardens. I also need a new car and to pay off my loan from Bowie State.

Help.

I SWEAR!

If one more person ask me another dumb ass question I'm gonna kick somebody in their fucking face.

If I tell you I work in Pajama Party don't go, 'What do they sell in there? They sell pajamas?"

What the FUCK do you think?!

I Hate Being Right.

I need a new circle of friends. I love my friends that I do have but I think I'm in a different mindset than alot of my friends right now and it would be nice to have somebody that actually would want to go see Wale with me, somebody that would want to take last minute trips to fun places [yes, even with gas prices the way they are], somebody that still wants to go clubbing occasionally. I mean I want to go while I still can. I'm not trying to go when I'm 26-30 so then its clear I'm desperate and dont have a man or shit else to do. Too bad I dont trust new people...or some of the old ones.

Anyway, to the point of this...

Have you ever just had this feeling that you shouldn't do or say something but you ignore it? You just say fuck it and see what happens?

You ever had the situation play out and regret doing that because one of the exact things you thought was gonna happen did? Yeah so I just had that happen to me. I used to use extra caution with these things but then I started worrying about the what ifs. Id rather try something and have it not work than to not try and be forever wondering what if. That is why I have no regrets...except one that will never be mentioned ever again.

So...

Time for some updates.

Im confused. About what? Everything.

The crush lost some more of the cuteness again. I dont know what I saw the 1st time. Whatever it was disappeared. I still like seeing him sometimes though. Maybe it was the glasses that made him cute because he definately stopped wearing them since we started talking more. Why does that happen. They stop doing what you secretly love because they think it helps.

Well besides that Ive been meaning to tell everybody I did take your advice and send Wale that message. Not only did he remember me he remembered my headline from back then. Thats always good. And thats the end of that.

Zune Shuffle was finally updated.

Oh, my brother fucking broke my Food & Liquor cd in pieces. Somebody buy me another one...and another Fly or Die cd while your out.

"Niggas got me FUCKED up out here"

DISCLAIMER :: I am venting. Excuse me.

I normally don't say shit like that but this nigga....

You can not be serious.

I know you're just my benefit buddy. I know I don't even talk to you on the regular. I know you like to hold conversations when there shouldn't be any talking. I know I don't tell you certain things [what would be the reason?]

BUT

You still got me fucked up if you think I'm gonna take time out of my day and actually make some kind of effort to get you a room at my job with my $350 discount for the weekend before I'm off for 3 days with your damn girl** and your friend & his girl. For a lil ass romantic vacation and shit at my inconvenience. You have lost your damn mind.

LOL. Seriously. Seriously. I pray you were joking since you do joke like that occasionally. Yeah, you were joking. I would have to think something was seriously wrong with you if you weren't.

I know I told you I missed you. I was lying. Me answering honestly would have fucked up the moment. But maybe I shouldn't do that. Maybe that thinking you got me soft or something and I'd just jump at the chance to hook you up. I may be small and shit but I ain't no pushover...

Sorry.

Not gonna happen.

You do realize you were possibly gonna get one until you told me that right?

You better have been joking. LOL. Fuck that.

On 2^nd thought I probably should so I can like secretly laugh about how just yesterday...technically this morning...lol no.

You ever heard the song 'Boom! I Fucked Your Boyfriend'? Good shit.

I guess this is the part where people are shocked at me. One of the things that's gonna be in the list of the things you don't know about me is that I'm a spiteful person, I hold grudges [depending on the situation], I'm rude and umm...you already know I'm sarcastic and impulsive. I'll probably be explaining this post later but what can I say...I do me. I just know how to keep it to myself. There are certain things [not limited to this stuff] nobody will know about me.

Ever.


NOTE: I would like to take this time out to apologize to the Bestest and Bri. I probably just embarrassed you the most lol. I love yall tho, lol.

** [I didn't know about her until today & no it probably wouldn't have changed anything but I don't like people keeping stuff from me at least be honest. Right?]


_{You're still my benefit buddy though...}

One Down. Three to go.

It's all starting to come crashing down. Maybe I'm exaggerating but...this is what has happened within the last couple hours:

1. The giddy feeling I got when I saw my crush went away. I was happy to see him cuz I had been secretly looking for him all day. I still smiled but the feeling I liked so much wasnt there.

2. I got a text from X yesterday after we had been talking saying, "If somebody text you dont answer". Right after that I get a text from some random # saying, "Are you aware that X has a girlfriend cuz i dont appreciate you disrespecting me". So if he hadnt texted me before this situation could have went horribly wrong. I asked him about it though [he didnt know I actually got the text until i finally told him and forwarded it to him]. He said it was his ex and went through this whole 'Im gonna kill her' thing. Whatever. He said he thought she was bullshittin about taking my number from his phone and that he was trying to be friends with her since they had been together so long and that he didnt wanna get back with her because it ended bad but she was trying to get back with him and blah blah. So basically that led to a long ass might of texting back and forth and its been established that he doesnt want a girlfriend and he's just chillin right now. Then it got to how we should probably just be friends since I said basically that it was cool but at the same time I dont like feeling like I'm wasting my time with something thats not going anywhere. I understand the wanting to be friends thing partially but not fully because of my situation with one of my ex's but it still blows me. He said it should be easy because we have so much in common which is true but still. With the way I am, its easier to just cut you off completely then to just gradually become friends. So basically thats one down and three to go.

Well maybe more like 2^1/2 to go.

There is still bum ass club dude that is finally starting to slowly fade away. All I have left to lose now is my benefit friend and the crush. I know its gonna happen now its just a matter of when.

Damn you Cupid.

Damn.

It's always something. If not one thing it's another but it's always something.

I'll explain later.

Sooner or later...

...it all comes crashing down.

It does. No bull. But thats not the point. I think my next post [after this one] is gonna be just me rambling. A little like the last one about my crush who happens to not be the one I actually like. This time itll be things that i dont think people know about me. Oh yeah, go Celtics!

I have a crush. I am ashamed.

I am too damn old to have a crush on somebody. TOO OLD.

You know what the bad part is? That would make 4 options now instead of 3. I have a problem. I need help.

The only thing is this one is completely different. I don't know why I like him. All I know is whenever I see him or talk to him I can't stop smiling. I find my self thinking while I'm talking to him, 'what the hell are you smiling for?', 'you look stupid as hell. stop it', yet...I can't stop smiling. I can't even look in his eyes for long periods of time.

He's not even as cute as 2 of the 3. I like him though. A little too much. He wears glasses and I think he looks slightly cuter with them then without. He is cute though. Maybe not to everybody but to me and that's all that matters. Right?

He's taller than me..then again everybody is taller than me, lol.

He's a little weird sometimes but in a good way.

Then again I never admit it but I might be a little weird too.

He makes me laugh which is good but I think I laugh at everything he says right now. I know it's not going to go anywhere because I like 'X' and I'm trying to only like him because I have a history of being easily distracted. Just distracted that's all. I wanna kinda be like...It's kinda hard to stay ...what do you call it? Not faithful but I mean if I want to talk to you I'm only talking to you at the moment.

I find myself looking for him now. I don't like that.

I don't even know if he has a girl already. & as much as I hate to admit it..I really don't care at this point.

X is really gonna have to stop canceling because my attention span for males these days is extra short. Unless you can make me fall in love with you lol. That is extremely hard.

Then again we aren't together..

And because I know I confused somebody and I can feel this getting long I'll sum it up with this...

"You see, what had happened to the player over here, the truth over there took me off of my square...But didn't you know that little by little it was getting you slow? Weren't you aware? And you say you from where? Pimp card revoked. You're no longer a player" --Lupe Fiasco via Didn't You Know by The Rayne

Overnight Celebrity, Honey Honey

I would have done this earlier but 90% of my post are done from my cell phone. So since I was tagged...

This is the one I did from my phone with my zune.

MEME Rules:
1. put your itunes/ music player on shuffle
2. for each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT
After you've answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they've been tagged to do the meme themselves!

I'm only gonna tag McLovin and uhhh...KayCee

[[questions]]
[if someone says "is this okay?, you say?] Come Over x Aaliyah [uhh okay]

[what would best describe your personality?]
Arms Race [RMX] x Fall Out Boy [I guess]

[what do you like in a guy/girl?]
C.O.L.O.U.R.S. x Bentley

[how do feel today?]
Andy, You're A Star x The Killers

[what is your life's purpose?]
The Pretender x Foo Fighters

[what is your motto?]
Candy x Foxy Brown [hell yeah! lol]

[what do your friends think of you?]
Your Love Is Incredible x Sisqo

[what do you think of your parents?]
Dear Mama x 2Pac [thats weird]

[what do you think about very often?]
The Opening Sequence x Wale

[what is 2+2?]
Glory x Lupe Fiasco

[what do you think of your best friend?]
La La La x Jay-Z

[what do you think of the person you like?]
Dance With Me x 112

[what is your life story?]
Gossip x Lil Wayne

[what do you want to be when you grow up?]
A Little Bit Cooler x The Cool Kids

[what do you think when you see the person you like?]
Dude x Beenie Man

[what do your parents think of you?]
I'm So Sick x Flyleaf

[what will you dance to at your wedding?]
I Wanna Be Your Lover x Prince

[what will they play at your funeral?]
Milkshake x Kelis

[what is your hobby/interest?]
Cadillac Love x Lloyd

[what is your biggest secret?]
Going Out Your Way x ORyan

[what do you think of your friends?]
Award Tour x A Tribe Called Quest

[what should you post this as?]
Overnight Celebrity x Kanye & Twista w/ Jamie Foxx

This is the one I did from my Zune software on the computer.

[if someone says "is this okay?, you say?]
Get This Money x Wale

[what would best describe your personality?]
Les Artistes x Santogold

[what do you like in a guy/girl?]
Still Ray x Raphael Saadiq

[how do feel today?]
McFly x Lupe Fiasco

[what is your life's purpose?]
'88 x The Cool Kids

[what is your motto?]
Fuck The Pain Away x Peaches

[what do your friends think of you?]
Fight Anthem x CCB

[what do you think of your parents?]
Payback x Wale

[what do you think about very often?]
The Panties x Mos Def [that would be extra homo of me. but if you were to change the panties thing it'd be slightly true, lol]

[what is 2+2?]
We Don't Need No Education x Pink Floyd

[what do you think of your best friend?]
I Love Her x Raphael Saadiq [That should be an I Love Him but it fits ;)]

[what do you think of the person you like?]
Show U How x T-Pain

[what is your life story?]
The Ruler's Back x Jay-Z

[what do you want to be when you grow up?]
Rescue Me x Teedra Moses

[what do you think when you see the person you like?]
The Bmore Club Slam x Wale

[what do your parents think of you?]
Replacement Girl x Drake ft. Trey Songz[??]

[what will you dance to at your wedding?]
Work Magic x Lloyd Banks [That'd be hilarious]

[what will they play at your funeral?]
Nike Boots [RMX] x Wale ft. Lil Wayne

[what is your hobby/interest?]
The Rape Over x Mos Def [oh no]

[what is your biggest secret?]
Xstacey Jones x Dru Hill [...no comment]

[what do you think of your friends?]
Yahh Bitch! x Soulja Boy [ay! no commenting on this one]

[what should you post this as?]
Honey Honey x Feist

Can you tell that my Zune tries to make me listen to the same artist over and over. It's smart..it knows I like certain people lol.

Ladies & Gentleman it is time for...

...The 1st Annual Worst Video/Song of the week.

This first nominee this week is Ying Yang Twins' with their song 'Drop'. They get credit for sampling The Pharcyde but thats about it. They look like somebodys embarrasing uncles that still think they're cool.

The second one is Three 6 Mafia's new song 'Lolli Lolli (Pop That Body)'. Now I like Three 6 and Juicy J is the man but I kinda had enough of the whole computer voices and Lil Wayne fans have destroyed lollipops for me. I'll give them a pass on the song cuz they just suffer from bad timing. The video still qualifies though. As for the Ying Yang Twins...there is a way to do a good low budget video.

That was not one of them.

Words Of Wisdom #3

Words of Wisdom are brought to you today by...

Pharrell Williams aka Skateboard P. via Best Friend

"Jesus will arange it but Jesus wont change it. Hold yourself responsible, on yourself you blame it".

& because this part relates to me specifically,


"You be actin tough thats fine, but the weight of the world can really crush ones mind so let it out..See you wont even know you hurt sometimes until you in conversations, it comes out in a line so let it out...".

Support Greatness.

Be like me and go get the new N.E.R.D. cd 'Seeing Sounds'. I purposely didnt listen to any snippets or burn it [I know people that did...damn shame] because I knew I was gonna buy it regardless & I didnt wanna spoil it. They got all this hype though and they never even put the songs on the radio. Tight shit.

Anyway, while youre out go get The Boondocks new DVD too.

Don't Act Like I Never Told Ya

elitaste.com/forum

Sorry, I wanted to use that line at least once before it got too old. Everybody else got to use it.

Here's the Situation...

Okay so the dude I met at a certain 'overrated yet still fun...sometimes' club in DC called me tonight. I havent talked to him in a minute. & when I say minute I mean 'wow you still have this number?' kind of minute. He talked all the usual bull and hinted that he wanted to see me basically so I was bored & didnt have anything else to do so I figured why not. I was supposed to either be there or call him by 11:45. So while all this was going on I was texting 'X' [remember him? From what Lu calls higher education?] and I kinda would rather have been with him but I dont want him thinking I am free every weekend even if i am. Anyway the club dude didnt answer the phone when I called at 11 something.

Straight to voicemail. So I left a message. A decent one....& then I texted 'X' to come over. Long story short...that didnt happen either because when he got here I was STILL IN A LONG SLOW ASS LINE AT TACO BELL!! On top of that 'club guy' calls me while I am in the line to tell me basically that I stood him up and didnt call him which is more of the normal bullshit from him. I know he got my damned message. He is one of those I am never wrong types.

Now to the point of this.

Should I feel bad for having 3 options [2 of which think I only talk to them] and hanging/going out with other people when I really like 'X' and he is the only 1 I really wanna talk to?

Im confused. Typing this out helped in my confusion.

I think I want this...

...I don't know why though because I don't need it. But who really does need stuff like this...

Bluetooth Laser Keyboard



It's for your PDA/cell phone but can be used with Mac and PCs. It even has simulated click sounds.

Want one? It's about $160 over at ThinkGeek.

That's where I got Jaco.

Decisions, decisions...

I'm in a bit of a dilemma.

Okay, so everybody knows I love Wale right? Everyone I know is aware of the fact that I love Lupe as well. So most [well a couple people] know that a while back Wale sent me a message on MySpace while he was doing his whole promoting thing. The reason that has significance is because he started it by commenting on the fact that I had a Lupe quote as my headline. It was 'Cant see me like B.I.G. on CMT'.

So anyway we eventually end up talkin about tight Lupe lines.
Side Note: If you havent done that with anybody at all in your life you have not lived. So to speed this up...he invited me to a show once I think but at the time I couldnt really go out like that at the time that and I was in school. I think I also mentioned before that he said he would be my favorite rapper. He was right. But here is the dilemma. That was 2 years ago and now I wanna send him something just to congratulate him, say whats up and what not. But because I'm me I dont want it to look like I am just tryin to talk to him again because he got signed & is blowing up basically. Thats why I didnt try to stay in contact with him back then. His song was gettin a bunch of plays on the radio or whatever and I wasnt trying to look like a groupie/hop-on.

The longer I wait though the bigger he gets. I'm happy for him though. & this definately isnt as big of a deal as I'o makin it...but I do shit like that. Thats just how I roll.

But yeah...[excuse this]...To speak or not to speak.

Do me a huge favor.

Remind me never to do that again. I am not Vivica. He is not Jamie. & Tommy Davidson is not a neighbor of mine. Or his for that matter. [Thank God].

Damnit. I have to be to work in a couple hours...